procrastination is not key. well, it is for me.

I always manage to procrastinate somehow every night even though I have a ton of stuff to do. I don't know why lately, maybe it's due to the lack of interest in my classes or I'm just lazy, but I'm usually not this un-productive. I'm one of those people that likes to get things done kind of early, but for the past few weeks, I've been struggling to write a measly two page response for a simple bible passage! Now that my friends, is procrastination at it's finest. I'm not saying I'm proud of doing this, but I guess I just need to keep sorting things out in my life: what I want to do in the future, why I keep on thinking my ex might want to get back together (and if he did I would still deny him), when will I realize my true purpose in this world.

Ever since the breakup a month ago, I feel like I've just stopped caring. I know that's definitely not me and I hate doing this to myself; I don't know, maybe I just miss having someone care about me, hold me, and tell me everything's going to be alright like he used to. I don't want my ex to do it specifically, but it would be nice to be loved in that way again. I just need to get my head out of the clouds because I know I'm not ready for a serious relationship yet (at least until next semester). On Sunday, I broke down in church crying and I'm just happy one of my best friends was there to hold me through it all. That made me realize no matter how much I try to deny it, I'm still really hurt by what my ex did to me. I'll admit, I'm kinda afraid to give my heart away like that again. But I've also learned not to fall for someone too fast; it takes time to get to know another first.